I Idolize my f*cking self

 Have you ever wondered why we look up to people just because they have more money than us, and live in a bigger house than us. Why we idolize people who are literally just people like us, but have starred in our favourite movie or wrote our favourite song. I mean, don't get me wrong, I catch myself constantly looking at other people on social media and wishing my skin was as clear as theirs, or I could afford the clothes they wear. But, the reality of it all is, why do we idolize people for what they have over who they are? 

I solely believe our societal ways are straight up, screwed up. Our natural instinct to save, have more, have the best, comes from out ancestors who didn't have food that could be delivered by a random person. They didn't have a bank, to loan them money, to have a roof over their heads. But, we do. So why are still made to feel like what we have is never enough? The people of those big government agencies and billion dollar corporations are THRIVING, all due to the fact that we have an instinct instilled in us still from 1000 years ago. Now, I understand the need, I understand why we feel like this, I understand the whole idea of it. But, why do we enable this? Why do we let social media continue on with it? It's time to stop idolizing people who are filtered. Stop listening to a company that is constantly telling you what you are, what you have, is never going to be good enough. 

You know who I idolize? I idolize the bus drivers who let people on their bus that can't pay their fare, because they know what not having the fare feels like. I idolize people in line who help someone pay for their groceries. because at some point they couldn't afford their own. I idolize my nana, because for every abusive person she was with, she stood up and showed resilience. I idolize my mom, because giving me the life she knew was best for me, came at a cost. I idolize my friends, because each one of them has stood by me, supported me and helped me, when they didn't even have it in them to help themselves. 

The moral of this little rant is, who you idolize and what you hold to a higher importance, is a representation of you. It's an open door into your insecurities, your values, your meaning. SO, be careful who you idolize, what you idolize. Ever since I stopped idolizing what I thought I needed, who I wanted to be, the life others were living but I wasn't, I became who I am meant to be. I became open, trusting, grateful, aware, appreciative, honest and most of all, I became content. You know when you're driving for a long time, or laying in bed trying to fall asleep, and your mind starts to wander?  It goes to all the stupid shit you said that you wish you could take back or the job you wish you never quit. Well, you will never guess what my mind does now. It smiles, when I see a couple doubling up on a single bike. It looks at the sun shining through cracks in-between buildings, and for a split second, it shuts down and takes notes of all the colours. It holds onto every negative view or thought I have and says, "what the fuck are you doing?" then replaces it with a moment of gratitude. So, where do you start? Well, you can start by: 

1. Unfollow, block, delete that person that makes you feel shitty. Unworthy. Not good enough. 

2. Replace your, " I wishes," with, " I am." 

3. Take note of the people in your life, in your inner circle, in your family. Reflect on the how they make you feel, the things they do to uplift you and others. If you wouldn't idolize them, why are you keeping them so close to you? 

4. Take a deep fucking breath. No, seriously right now do it...................................................okay. Now actually do it. 

number 4, the most important person to idolize is yourself. So start doing it. When you wake up I want you to tell yourself 3 things you are proud of yourself for overcoming, 2 things you have worked on to being better and 1 thing you have done/are doing that you idolize. 

Until next time friends, 

-Kay